How was I to deal with the feelings I had about my sexuality. I am not talking about the art of having sex but my feelings about myself and my beliefs. People like to judge others when they are a little different looking, but they really begin to discuss and judge you when you are a boy wearing a dress to school. A boy that believes himself a girl from day one is a very depressed individual if he is not allowed to live his life the way he believes he is meant to. Did someone make a mistake when handing out body parts? Was I in the wrong line?
My family is very supportive of me. They have always let me be me. I borrow my sister’s clothes because I love the way I feel wearing them. I wish everyone would overlook my sexuality and allow me to be me. The depressing thing about being a female in a male’s body is the transformation if I choose to do so. Being a transgender means that I can be male or female when I choose my clothing. I still have to undergo the scrutiny that others dish out. The laughter still hurts. Come on people, I did not ask to step out into the wrong line. I never ask to be different. I have a difficult time turning off the feelings I have, but I have to try. I have to try to adjust myself to what everyone in the world believes I should be. I have to act like the boy I was born to be unless I completely change myself.
Applying for jobs and joining social groups is another difficulty that I have. If I start a job as a boy, the employer expects me to remain a boy. Social groups such as men’s fraternities or orders do not want me to be part of them if I am transgender. I guess they fear that I will come on to them. Understand this my friends, just because I am transgender does not mean that I am Gay or Lesbian. I love myself and hope that as my friends you will look past my clothing and look deep inside my heart to see the real me trying to get out.